Loving Your Neighbor, Sexuality and not letting Grace be a License for Sin

The past couple of weeks have been a real time for me to reflect and think deeply on the relationship between sexuality and the Christian faith. One thing that has guided me a lot in this has been a quote that I’ve heard people say from time to time - “don’t be shocked when people who aren’t Christians live like they aren’t Christians.”

It seems obvious when you hear it but it’s freeing in a sense because it allows us to set aside the standards that we live by and the expectations we have of ourselves and simply enjoy people for the blessing that God has made them to be in our lives.

Someone doesn’t have to be a Christian for me to like them nor do they have to change in any way for me to accept them as a person. The basic calling to “Love your Neighbor” is simply that - to both enjoy and "will the good" for anybody who God puts in your life, whether they follow Jesus or not.

I find that to be an important starting point when discussing something like sexuality because it is the over-arching narrative for how a believer is meant to relate to his world. As such the things I have to say are theological and not political or social. Meaning that they don’t apply to wanting to get the government to enshrine Christian standards into law and don’t depend on whether or not I’ll be friends with someone. Rather they are focused on calling believers to walk out Biblical standards.

With that in mind there are Biblical standards in regard to sexuality. These revolve around the marriage of one man and one woman. Which is to say that all sex outside of such a marriage covenant is sin. This includes adultery, fornication (where 2 unmarried people have sex), homosexuality and even extends further to pornography and even to lusting after a woman who is not your wife in your heart.  The Word of God also teaches that the male or female gender that one is born with is that individual’s God-given gender and to present yourself in a way that is contrary to how you have been created is to oppose Him as your Creator/Leader.

A question I have been asked at times is "can someone be gay and Christian?" This question is probably best met with another question - "can someone be an adulterer and be a Christian?" Or maybe even better put in a way that connects to my story is "can someone be addicted to porn and be a Christian?"

Answers to questions like this are nuanced. Its complex because a beautiful thing happened 2000 years on the Cross of Calvary that made it so that sinners like me could receive forgiveness in Jesus and have a relationship with God. As such sinless perfection is not required on our part to be accepted by God. Rather I come to Him as a sinner, and He washes me in the Blood of the Lamb.

That being said though it is important to state that the Grace of God is not to be used as a license for sin.  Jude 1:4 states that to approach Grace in this way causes us to deny the Lordship of Jesus. What is meant by this passage is that Grace does not allow us to change the definition of sin or to harden our heart in such a way that we continue in willful disobedience without an inclination or desire to change.

Jesus comes at this in a more direct way in Luke 6:46 where he says "Why do you call Me 'Lord, Lord' but do not do the things which I say?" Which is to say that either the changing of the definition of sin or the stubborn refusal to allow one's understanding of what is sin to change one's life is a denial of the Lordship of Jesus.

As such we are met with a question that every genuine believer must ask himself. Am I really in the faith?

Its a question that Holy Spirit might answer for you - and perhaps you will be bothered by the conviction that you might feel in your heart like I did when I was 19 and didn't want to stop looking at porn.

But in general the answer to this question is either one of 2 things. Either I'm an unwilling unbeliever or a struggling saint. More than likely as you are reading this you are thinking of certain areas of your life. Areas that you can identify sin in.  When considering these areas in our lives its good to consider our hearts as we look at our sin. Firstly do we still acknowledge that it is sin? Secondly can we find in our hearts a willingness to at least ask the Lord to change us?

If we can see these things in our hearts then we are saints indeed and we can rejoice that we are covered by the Blood of the Lamb - Jesus is our Lord even though our lives are very poor attempts at walking it out. He won't put out a dimly burning wick (Matthew 12:20) and He sees our intentions even when our outward lives may not show it.

If we can't see these things then perhaps this is a time to be honest with God. Philippians 2:12 says that we are to "work out our salvation with fear and trembling." God is not mocked (Galatians 6:7) and He can see past the confession of our lips into the very inner place of our hearts. And it just may be that you are in a situation like I was when I was 19 - when I realized that I didn't want to change.

It was a very uncomfortable place to be in for me because eternity in the Presence of God awaits the believer but eternal separation from God awaits the unbeliever.

If that is you then perhaps I can comfort you with Luke 18:10-14 which is about 2 men. One who was proud in and of himself and didn't think he needed God, the other who was so convicted about the sin in his life that he could hardly lift his eyes to Heaven. The humble man found grace whereas the proud man did not.

All you really need to get right with God is a humble desire to allow Him to be the Lord of your life. All you really need is that dimly burning wick.

So to return to our original question - can I be in sexual sin and be a Christian? It depends on where your heart is - if we call what He calls sin and have a degree of a desire to be free then we are in the faith. If we are unwilling to allow Him to define our morals or have no intention to walk them out then we are not.

Let us take time to reflect on these things.

Amen.