Strangers and Exiles Seeking a Country of their Own - Part 1 Gender Dysphoria

 

Atheist Philosopher Martin Heidegger once declared that life was like surviving a crash landing and finding yourself in a foreign land¹.  Where the individual, after becoming conscious of the scope and limits of his unique situation, will eventually realize that he is stuck in a reality that he did not choose.  Heidegger, in his very German way, created a new word to describe this concept called Geworfenheit that is translated into English as “Thrown-ness”.  An idea that basically states that there are a lot of things in life that have been thrust upon us, that if given the option we might not have wanted for ourselves.  We didn’t choose our parents, the country we grew up in or the schools we went to.  We didn’t choose the time that we came into this world, nor can we control many of the roadblocks and opportunities that are given to us.  And as for our bodies who hasn’t wished that they were 3 inches taller, had a faster metabolism or were just slightly more athletic than they are now?

One begins to understand life – says the German Philosopher – when he realizes that he has been thrown into this world with many of the variables of his existence being outside of his control.  Consequently, Life then becomes the struggle to find one’s place in the world.  Where we pick up the proverbial pieces of our crash landing and figure out a way to build them into something that will shape our way forward.

Obviously, I differ with Heidegger on this, largely because I can see how his atheism shaped his view of his origins, but I find this wrestling to come to grips with how we find ourselves in this world to be a very compelling question that every person will eventually struggle with in some way.

Who am I?  Why am I here?  What is my purpose?

The range of answers to questions like this is endless and will be different for each person who asks them.  But the sense of dysphoria – of finding yourself in a world in which you just don’t seem to fit – is a malady that many of us find ourselves stricken with.

Webster’s dictionary defines dysphoria as “a state of feeling very unhappy, uneasy or dissatisfied.” We see dysphoria everywhere it seems.  We see it in Hollywood actresses who struggle with how age is affecting their appearance and in young athletes who turn to anabolic steroids as a means of exceeding the limits of their genetics.  It is apparent in workaholics who can’t seem to rest, in alcoholics who can’t face life without the bottle and with people in unhealthy co-dependent relationships who are unable to live alone even if it means embracing someone who is abusive and unkind. 

We see it as well in the way “dysphoria” as a term has become synonymous - with those who find themselves with a sense that they were born in a body that is the wrong gender.  That though being born male, that they are actually female (or vise versa).

Clearly this is an incredibly difficult struggle to have, and I feel it’s important to say that regardless of how someone decides to deal with this that they should be treated with respect and kindness. All people have been uniquely designed by God to be blessings to the world and they remain that way even if they do not follow Him. And we are able to partake of the blessing that God intended to release through them when we honor them for the kindness, creativity, humor and so on that they display in their lives while not stumbling over the aspects of their beliefs and/or choices that we differ with. I truly believe that this is what Jesus did in Matthew 9:10-13 when He dined with tax collectors and sinners.

Obviously, Jesus wasn’t saying that prostitution or unfair collection of taxes isn’t sinful but rather that this same God who created all people for relationship with Himself still loved them deeply even though they had rejected Him and His Ways. Him spending time with them and enjoying their company was just a manifestation of that love and we are called to love all people in a similar way.

So, it’s important I think as Christians to try to view the unbelieving world through these lenses so that we can see what He sees in people – even when they are far from Him. But at the same time, it’s also important to communicate God’s expectations of mankind as it pertains to their personal identity.

Regarding this Scripture states that our gender has been given to us by God (Matthew 19:4) and is part of the way that He shaped us in our mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13-16). He is the Potter, and we are the clay (Isaiah 29:16) and to reject your God-given gender is to reject God as your Creator.

You may be reading this and may say to yourself - That’s all good and well for Christians but I’m not sure I believe in God, and I still have this struggle, what should I do? If you had these thoughts while reading this, I would commend you for your astuteness because to make a decision that requires facing a difficult personal struggle as an offering of worship to God takes a pretty significant amount of faith and it’s not something I would expect of someone who doesn’t already believe in Jesus.

But there are still some things – even apart from seeking to honor God with your life choices – that I think you should consider before deciding to opt-in to a surgical procedure. These are:

1)     You can’t really change your Gender If you strip the concept of historical and societal gender roles away – so that there is no difference between a man and a woman as it pertains to how they should act in a relationship or regarding any set of responsibilities that life may require of them² – and you just look at gender from a biological perspective what do you find?  You would find that a man is able to export his DNA through sperm and a woman is able to import external DNA into herself through an egg.  When the man’s DNA within the sperm fertilizes the woman’s DNA in the egg a truly amazing thing happens.  A brand new being is created, a new life, a new person.  With his/her own thoughts, feelings, and future. There is no surgery out there that would give me, a biological male, the ability to import DNA into myself that results in a new life.  And regardless of what we think about society’s expectations of certain genders, this baseline reality of what gender really is, is unavoidable.  In fact, none of us would be here if that reality weren’t true because we are the product of sperm (which is only produced in biological males) fertilizing an egg (which is only produced in biological females).  While the surgery may give one the external appearance of the opposite gender, it doesn’t give them the reproductive function of that gender.  Which again – if you strip gender of its sociological expectations and only look at it from a biological perspective – is the main thing that gender is: which is one half of the puzzle needed to created new life.

2)     What if you change your mind? Having kids has been one of the greatest blessings of my life.  And while having children has created a whole new set of stressors that I previously didn’t have – for example having to stay up late at night when the kids get sick – it has also given my life an incredible sense of richness and meaning.  The love that a parent has for a child is something that is so intense that it is difficult to really understand until you have experienced it.  I LOVE my kids.  There’s hardly anything I wouldn’t do for them³.   I bring this up because what happens if later in your life, after having the surgery, that you want to start a family and have kids?  I’m not a doctor but I have read that in many cases the surgery makes having children in the future very difficult⁴.

Ultimately though it is your decision.  It's your life to live and you have to do what you think is best.  I would just encourage you to really think it through before you do something that is this potentially life-altering.  Read both sides of the argument.  Buy the books of people that you don’t think you’ll agree with and read and contemplate what they have to say.  And regardless of if you are religious or not you might find the below prayer to be a helpful guide in organizing your thoughts:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen.

And may you find peace in your life regardless of what path you take.

 

Helpful Links to Go Deeper:

1)     Sex Change Regret: An organization started by Walt Heyer – a man who after having a gender reassignment surgery, lived as a woman for 8 years.  He later detransitioned and started an organization to help others who faced a similar struggle as himself.  Sex Change Regret | For those who want to return back

2)     The DeTransition Diaries: A Short Documentary that follows the stories of 3 girls who felt that their trauma and dysphoria would be fixed by trying to medically transition from female to male.  Medical professionals, therapists, counselors, and even school officials affirmed that they were indeed ‘trans’ but only once they started down this path, which promised to offer hope, they each came to realize that they had made a terrible decision. Watch The Detransition Diaries: Saving Our Sisters Online | Vimeo On Demand on Vimeo

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¹He didn’t actually say those words but I’m paraphrasing what he meant by “thrownness”

²I don’t believe that you should do this – the Bible teaches that men and women have different responsibilities and callings in their relationships and lives, and I believe those to be true.  I’m simply stating it this way to make a point.

³I say hardly here because I pray that I would be faithful to God in the moment that it required as much if I was in a conflict with my kids about the faith (Matthew 10:37)

⁴Nothing is impossible for God – if you have had such a surgery and want kids I would encourage you that God has a history of making the infertile give birth (see Genesis 21:7)