Strangers and Exiles Seeking a Country of their Own - Part 2 Feeling like you don't belong

I recently read an article about a man in his 30s who has gone through multiple surgical operations and received numerous tattoos to make himself look like an alien.  I was struck by the lengths that he has taken thus far in this – by getting voluntary surgeries to amputate his ears, nose, upper lip and even some of his fingers.  Having gone through the different surgeries that I went through in the past 6 months following a lawn mower accident that I had in July of last year I was deeply shocked that anyone could willingly embrace something like this.

By a wild answer to prayer I only lost half of one of my toes from the accident (with the Lord preserving my big toe, which is most important for balance) but I must say that the pain that I went through during this time was the worst thing that I have gone through in my life and I would not wish something like that on anybody.  I read that this man is also considering amputating a healthy leg in his pursuit to look more like an alien and I am honestly praying that he reconsiders because I can think of few things more difficult to endure than not being able to walk naturally and I regularly thank God for Him granting me the ability to walk, run and even play tennis.

I don’t pretend to understand why he is pursuing the appearance of an alien – for all I know this could be a passion of his and the closer he gets to looking like an alien the greater his satisfaction with life may be – but reading his story has really got me thinking about the general sense that I think we all have in some way of feeling like we don’t belong.

We all have it to some degree.  Whether it’s the parents who walked out on us when we were kids, getting picked on at school, or feeling like you weren’t tall, thin, or athletic enough.  Maybe we felt life would turn out better for us than it has.  We thought by now we’d be in the spotlight or have the amazing career or have all the things that we had earlier thought would be simple.

But as we take stock of our place in this world, we just feel like we don’t fit.  Something feels wrong – its either us or society – but something is causing us to feel as though we just don’t belong.

With this thought in my mind, I scanned my knowledge of the Scriptures to see if there was an individual with a story that related to this, and I found it in the story of Abraham.

Abraham’s Dysphoria

What is often overlooked about Abraham is that his early life was one of great tragedy.  Abraham’s father’s name was Terah and Terah had 3 sons - Abraham, Nahor and Haran.  I cannot imagine what it would be like for a father to lose a son, but Terah went through it when his son Haran died in his arms (Genesis 11:28).  You can tell that Haran’s death deeply affected the family because it caused them to move from where they were living (the Ur of the Chaldees) to a new place that they named “Haran”.

I’ve often wondered how places get their names and in this case one can see that the name given to this region came from a grieving father who wanted to always live with his son. His son was gone but he would always be with Haran because he now lived in the land of “Haran”. Its even said that Terah died in Haran (Genesis 11:32), almost a poetic metaphor for the way loss had shaped this man’s heart.  His son had died in his presence and now he was to die in the place named after his son.

Abraham was not exempted from this by any means.  Its unclear to know what happened for sure but one can speculate that as Terah was nearing his end, he likely took Abraham aside and made him promise to take care of Haran’s son Lot.  I imagine that Terah spoke to Abraham and told him “that when I pass you must take care of Haran’s boy” and I can see Abraham embracing his father and telling him “of course I will.  Of course I will dad.” That hug may have lasted up to 3 minutes as the father and brother of Haran, co-survivors of this tragedy, comforted each other in a way that – just for that moment – made the hardship of life, early death and death in general seem not so bad.

It was after his father’s death* that the Lord began to speak to Abraham and called him to leave Haran and go “to the land which I will show you.”  Scripture talks about the multiple factors involved in Abraham’s decision to pack up and leave. It’s clear that Abraham didn’t do this on his own initiative but rather because God spoke to him but its very possible that it was the early tragedies in Abraham’s life that built in him a dissatisfaction with this world that drew him to seek God in the first place. This hunger then positioned him to hear God’s Voice.  Abraham saw that there was something very wrong with this world full of untimely deaths and it caused him to look for something or Someone better.

Hebrews 11:8-10 describes his journey this way:

“By faith Abraham, when he was called, obeyed by going out to a place which he was to receive for an inheritance; and he went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he lived as an alien in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, dwelling in tents with Isaac and Jacob, fellow heirs of the same promise; for he was looking for the city which has foundations, whose architect and builder is God.”

So we see that he left because God spoke to him but he was also looking for something.  He was looking for a city, a place, a country – where he belonged.  A city where people didn’t die before their time, where empires didn’t have the ability to take his wife slave or where nomadic tribes wouldn’t start wars over water and land.  He was tired of how wrong this world is and was looking for something better. Something that made sense.

Can you relate? 

Have we not longed for this ourselves?  Have we not longed for a place where everything that we can see that is obviously messed up in this world is fixed?

Seeking a Country of their Own

As strange as it may seem to us now - that Abraham was out walking around the wilderness looking for some kind of Divine city - I admire him for it because he actually did something about his sense of dysphoria. And while he didn’t find the city on earth, it was his obedience to God that enabled him to enter that city upon his natural death.  And his nomadic wandering through the desert is a symbol for the life that God is inviting us into.

Hebrews 11:13-16 talks of others who took a similar path by stating “All these died in faith, without receiving the promises, but having seen them and having welcomed them from a distance, and having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth.  For those who say such things make it clear that they are seeking a country of their own.  And indeed, if they had been thinking of that country from which they went out, they would have had opportunity to return.  But as it is, they desire a better country, a heavenly one.  Therefore, God is not ashamed to be called their God; for He has prepared a city for them.”

Here we see individuals who recognized that there was something wrong with the world they lived in and in their dysphoria looked heavenward.  These self-proclaimed strangers and exiles set their hearts to seek after the One who could fix this mess and bring them into a world in which they belonged.  And it is their story that I believe to be the solution for all dysphoria.  Whether you feel that you don’t fit in at school or its hard to make friends.  Maybe you moved around a lot and no longer feel like you have a place to call home.  Or maybe you struggled with this sense that you don’t belong in your body – that though you have the body of a male that you have the soul of a female.

Whatever your struggle may be the solution is to look upward and onward.  To set your heart and your face to knowing your Creator.

Not Ashamed to be Called their God

I like how God responds to these seekers. It says that “He is not ashamed to be called their God.”  Let that sink in a little bit.  You see that there’s something wrong in this world we are living in, so does He.  You feel like you don’t belong in this place you find yourself, He says, “That’s because you were meant for some place better.”  In fact, He has prepared a city for you.

Jesus said it differently in John 14:2 stating that “in My Father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were not so I would not have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you.  If I go and prepare a place for you I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also.  And you know where I am going.  Thomas said to Him, ‘Lord we do not know where You are going, how do we know the way?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, the truth and the life; no one comes to the Father except through Me.’”

So how does the square peg in the round hole, the odd duck, the one-who-just-can’t-ever-seem-to-fit-in find this city that God has prepared for him?  You must follow Jesus.  He has prepared a place for you, a place where everything will be right and where things will finally make sense.  But the only way to the Father’s House – to this Heavenly city – is through Jesus.

You must follow Jesus.  Is it an easy path?  No.  Will it cost you things at times?   Yes.  But though following Jesus may add a new layer of difficulty to your life you will have hope.  This life doesn’t have to go well anymore because this life is just a little drop in the bucket compared to the eternity you will have in the place He prepares for you.  And though you must walk through this life you will find that in Jesus you have a friend that sticks closer than a brother, who will both call you to do difficult things but will also be with you and even carry you through difficult times.

So, do you feel like nothing makes sense and that you just don’t belong?  It may very well be my friend that its because you were made for another world.

 

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* It’s hard to know for sure if Terah was still alive when Abraham left Haran or not, but it is at least after Terah’s death chronologically in the story as it’s told in Scripture